“I am in love.” Jon Uskglass suddenly said to William of Lanchester and Thomas of Dundale.
Thomas Dundale got choked on his drink while William Lanchester almost fell over.
“What?”
“Who?”
“John Childermass.”
“Oh, thanks goodness. God has answered my prayers.”
“What do you mean by saying that?”, Uskglass asked indignantly.
“Nothing.”
The Raven King looked thoughtful, he opened his mouth as if to say something then stopped and continued to looked thoughtful for awhile.
“The other day, I sent a flock of raven to show him how much I love him. I even wrote a letter in English, mind you, in ENGLISH…”
“You must love him a lot.”
“But he did not even read it, he just swept it along with other feathers.”
“Maybe he didn’t see it among all the chaos of ravens.”
“Well, he should look for it.”
“What sort of paper do you use?”
“A rather expensive kind, the one that is black.”
William of Lanchester decided not to voice his opinion.
A few days later, while they were paying a visit to king Oberon, they happened to meet Jareth, the Goblin King. After all the dreary conversation about kingdoms and quarrels, John Uskglass’s love life became the main story. John Uskglass was the kind of person that was solemn and quiet down to his bone, according to Oberon and Jareth; they all consider everything about him to be dreadfully unhumorous, except of course his love life. Because in the whole faerie, nobody could have failed in love in a more epic, spectacular and hilarious way.
“You should just kidnap him.” Oberon said helpfully. “Just show up in front of his face then kidnap him to one of two of your kingdoms.”
“You should not do that.” William Lanchester said.
“You should make the entire England sing a love song to Christmas.” Jareth suggested.
“Childermass. His name is Childermass.” Comtemplating for a while, John Uskglass slowly said, “I don’t think that is going to work.”
He did that one once. The girl that he was courting said she was so sick of all the love songs that she finally became a nun and renounced anything romantic.
“Or you can make flowers bloom everywhere he walks.” Jareth said snidely. This was not too bad a suggestion if the smell was not so suffocating the woman fainted. She became so hateful of flowers that she refused to have flowers in her garden and destroyed even the tiny, harmless cowslips.
William Lanchester, being a sensible person as he was, immediately changed the subject to something less inflammatory. To no avail.

O0o

Jareth considered himself a great brother. Mostly a great brother. He regularly hit Puck and occasionally secretly kidnapped somebody from the Raven King’s kingdom but it’s not like that they cared.
So Jareth devised a scheme to make Childermass fall in love with John Uskglass. And what was better way to make somebody fall in love than kidnap somebody they care about then make them walk through the whole kingdom to find them?
In most cases, he took away a baby brother or baby sister or whatever; unfortunately, Childermass didn’t have babies to take. So he substituted the baby with Vinculus.
Childermass tried to get to Vinculus, contemplating whether Vinculus was really worth it but finally deciding that his effort was for his love of the King. At that moment, Vinculus was listening to the adult of version of Magic Dance and had some fun.
After going through the Goblin Kingdom, finally he reached the castle and tried to reach Vinculus through all staircases while Vinculus was leisurely sitting.
Meanwhile, Jareth called the Raven King and told him,
“I kidnapped Vinculus and forced Childermass to find him.”
“You what?”. It was hardly shocking but the Raven King just acted so.
“Now, brother, you can sing As The World Falls Down or make something sing for him and Christmass…”
“Childermass.”
“It is all the same. He will be madly in love with you in return. Trust me, I have done it for as long as I live and it all work out perfectly.”
“Is it true?”
“Of course it is. Brother, have you known a more handsome, charming person than me? Nobody is more loved by ladies and gentlemen more than me. Who can give better love advices than me?”
John Uskglass felt himself wavering. Should he? Suddenly, they heard Childermass saying,
“The fairy who did this had no power over us.”
Childermass said it in such a steely, sure way that John Uskglass felt so much in love and admiration that he teleported them back to London.

O0o

Puck considered himself an expert in love. Of course, he tore them apart more often but somebody that could do that ought to be an experienced matchmaker. Also, the Raven King was a good friend to have.
He made Childermass fell asleep then he put a flower under Childermass’s nose. The first person he saw he would fall in love with.
While Puck was looking for the Raven King, Mr Honeyfoot happened to get inside the room and woke Childermass up. On the open of his eyelids, Childermass suddenly realized how handsome, how lively Mr Honeyfoot was, why didn’t he realize that before? How could he so blind to Mr Honeyfoot’s charm for such a long time?
So he tried to hug Mr Honeyfoot. And tried to kiss him. While John Uskglass was looking, invisible to everyone. Heartbroken, he stormed from the room when he met Puck.
“How was it? Why did you leave the room so early? How were your two lovebirds doing?”
“Puck, did you do something?”
“Of course I did. I put a flower under his nose.”
“And now he was in love with the bubbly fool that was not even practical magician.”
It was not known what the Raven King did to Puck but he sure looked beaten and miserable after that.

O0o

Childermass didn’t understand why he was locked in. He didn’t do anything wrong, he was only in love. So why did everybody act so shocked and keep telling him that he was under enchantment? They should let him out so he could confess his undying love to Mr Honeyfoot. Maybe he was coming too hard. Maybe Mr Honeyfoot felt ashamed because he did have a wife and a few kids. When he was released, he could try to be solicitous and obliging so that Mr Honeyfoot would fall in love with him. No, how could he do that? Mr Honeyfoot was so handsome, so attractive that Childermass could hardly contain himself.
“Childermass.”, A man suddenly showed up in front of him. He was handsome and pale with long, black hair. His mind suddenly became less hazy. He knew this man but he could not remember his name.
The man’s hand stroked his cheek and his cheek felt like burning flame. His mind became as clear as water as the memory shot back.
“Your Grace. My King.” He said breathlessly, too awed to understand what was happening.
“John Childermass. You have served me well.”
“My liege, I would do anything for you.” He would have knelt down if John Uskglass hadn’t been so close.
A wave of terror suddenly hit him as he realized that he had threatened to shoot his King.
“Your Grace, I…”
“Don’t be. I can forgive your impudence that time because I understood you meant not to shoot me.”
The eyes of the King were deeper than the sea and his hand felt warm on his cheek. Childermass felt heady.
So they kissed each other.
After that, they shared how much they loved the other; Childermass said everything even though he was a very secretive person but John Uskglass hided his pathetic attempt at courting. And they lived happily ever after.
Until John Uskglass’s next attempt to show Childermass how much he loved him.
We can only hope their love would survive that.